Ok, I finally figured out the code and a quick fix for the "by Anonymous" stuff. It only works for questions (I'll have to hack in the extra field in answers), but it looks a lot better with names, while preserving the anonymous IP info.
In qa-theme-base:
function post_meta_who($post, $class)
{
if (isset($post['who'])) {
require_once("qa-db-metas.php");
$name=$post['who']['data'];
if (strstr($name,'anonymous')){
$name=qa_db_postmeta_get($id,'qa_q_extra');
if ($name){
$id=$post['raw']['postid'];
$post['who']['data'] = str_replace('anonymous',$name,$post['who']['data']);
}
}
simply replaces anonymous with the extra field. I've only been at this for a day so there may be holes, but it makes the questions list look a lot more personal.